A little perspective✨

Sooo it’s been a while since I’ve written one of these, mainly b/c I haven’t been feeling inspired for the longest time now and I’ve been too busy procrastinating anyway 😂 but I genuinely appreciate the few people that have asked me when I’m going to post again (when I say a few I mean like 2 people 😂). 

But annyyywaayy I want to start off by saying R.I.P to Mac Miller, his music has been the soundtrack to one of the best parts of my life (the latter part of 2016💕) so b/c of the sentimental value his music held, it cut deep. 

Something that stood out for me was all the messages I saw on Twitter & IG – full of love, support and appreciation, not only towards his art but to him as a person and it was clear he had touched and positively influenced everyone that had the chance of meeting him and I couldn’t help but think how could someone with so many people behind him feel so alone? 

I think it’s because we often wait until it’s too late to tell people the things we should’ve, while it still mattered, when it still had a chance to have an impact on their thinking & opinion of themselves. 

There’s no definite way of knowing someone needs help and often those that need help the most, never show it, which is why I can’t stress enough how important it is to check up on your loved ones, make it comfortable for them to talk to you and allow them to open up, it’s not always easy and you might not always win but sometimes just showing them you care and that you believe their feelings and thoughts matter, is all it takes. 

There’s no one thing that causes us to become depressed which is why there is no ‘more valid’ reason to be depressed. Sometimes people may make you feel as if you shouldn’t be depressed over issues they deem to be ‘small’ and you’ll often hear people advising you to “Man up” or “Get over it, it’s not that big of a deal” . This happens with males being told that they need to be strong b/c showing any sign of emotion is deemed as weak and females being told they’re “too emotional” for feeling a certain way when in fact this couldn’t be more false; as humans we were made to feel, acknowledging your feelings is being a functioning healthy human, talking & being honest about things you’re struggling with or things that affect you in any way is one of the most courageous things you can do and absolutely no one can invalidate it.

We all experience things differently, the storyline may be similar but the experience could be completely different, none of us are the same so we don’t handle things the same way, in the same manner, what takes you 2 days to get over may take someone 3 months to overcome & that’s simply b/c we process things differently.

Sometimes we tend to overthink ourselves into a state of dispair & the more you think of something the more you start believing it & when you truly believe something it has no option but to manifest, that’s simply the power of the mind. Now I’m not saying that you can think yourself out of debt or think your problems away but when our thinking becomes more positive, we begin to take the power away from our situation/problem and it doesn’t seem as challenging anymore b/c we start believing in our ability to overcome.

But an important think to remember, beyond changing your thinking, is that sometimes you’ll feel overwhelmed and if  you ever do, please talk to someone, we were not made to deal with everything on our own and not every thing can be solved on our own, sometimes all you need is a new perspective, someone to shed light on a situation, someone to offer you a doorway out of the box in which you feel so trapped or sometimes simply just assurance, someone to tell you something you already knew but just never fully believed.

The world can be a cruel and often unforgiving place and people tend to make sure you never forget your mistakes and it can become a burden b/c being constantly reminded of the past hinders your ability to move forward, as difficult as it may be, you need to acknowledge your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on, you may stumble again but you need to take it as a lesson and try your best to not repeat those mistakes.

Another thing to remember is to be kind, we all have days where we’re in a bad mood or just simply not in the mood for people 🤦🏾‍♀️ but try as hard as possible to be kind to everyone you meet, everyone’s going through something and we often underestimate the impact we have on people as strangers, someone could be having the worst day and a kind gesture from you could completely change that.

Life, however, happens to the best of us and it’s often a rollercoaster filled with amazing highs and tragic lows so it’s important for us to be the best people we can be to those around us, tell the people you appreciate why you appreciate them, remind those around you that they matter and their feelings matter too, comment on things you like, show your love and support every time you get the opportunity to and do it all while it can have the greatest impact, right now! Also keep in mind that we’re human, we were not meant to be perfect, we can’t always be strong and we won’t always be okay and that’s okay!

I pray that you never forget that you are worthy of life, love, support & happiness.

Have a blessed week ahead xx

Kindness pays?

Growing up, almost all of us are taught to be kind to people, regardless of financial status, race, age or gender, so from a very young age we’ve all had an understanding of the word itself but just for the sake of this post let’s have a look at what the dictionary tells us:

Kind, adjective –
having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature.

As you can see it’s pretty straight forward so I’ve probably wasted 2 seconds of your time (of which you’ll never get back, let that shxt sink in *Drake voice*) making you read that but I want to highlight something that I feel we often disregard.

A little disclaimer before we proceed, I’m not writing this to make you feel bad about the times you’ve been unkind or inconsiderate because then I’d be the person everyone talks about, you know the one with the log in their eye 😒😂 I’m just merely sharing something I, myself, have just recently learned.

As much as being kind means being considerate, generous and friendly, it means alot of different things to alot of different people, for some it is shown through their actions, for others their words then others their intentions but can one really exist without the others? Does offering words of upliftment make up for the fact that we rudely disregard certain people because we’re not interested in them? Does the fact that we lend a helping hand to those in need make up for the fact that we are often harsh with our words? Is doing the right thing with the “wrong intention” okay because it’s still the right thing at the end of the day?

Don’t get me wrong, NONE of us are perfect and if you know me you’d know that I preach this ALL the time but what I’m trying to say is that we sometimes need to realise that being kind when it suits us or to a select group of people is not really being kind at all. For most of us it’s quite simple being kind to our friends, family and the people we know, as well being kind to someone when we’ve had a good day, when we’re in a good mood or when it benefits us ( I’m talking about more than just that heartwarming feeling 😂😂 you get,if you know what I mean) but what about when the person is a stranger, someone we aren’t expected to be kind to because they add no value to our lives, what about when we’ve been having a bad day, when the other person isn’t being kind towards us and when a person has wronged us? Is it justifiable for us to be not so kind ?

This may come as a bit of an anti-climax because, honestly, I don’t really have the answers to these questions and opinions will probably differ depending on how you choose to view the different situations but what I can say, and the sole purpose for this post, is that regardless of the circumstances always try to be & stay kind. I know it sounds cliche’, perhaps like an overplayed Barney mantra but there’s simply no other way to put it.

Everyone you meet is going through something, big or small and there might not even be a justifiable reason for why they are the way they are to you or why they’ve done the things they’ve done but the way you react could change EVERYTHING. I’m not saying, be timid or allow yourself to be trampled over but approaching a situation with kindness just means not allowing certain situations or someone else’s behaviour to alter yours and the way you react, it’s simply not giving that situation or person control.

By being kind with your words you could change someone’s day, people process things differently so sometimes what you say to someone may never cross your mind again but could keep someone up for weeks. Be kind in your actions and you could change someone’s life, a simple act of kindness goes a longer way than you think, sometimes, taking a little away from the ‘lot’ that you have would result in someone once having nothing to now having something (and this refers to more that just money). Be kind in your intentions, this does a world of good for your conscience, it gives you the ability to sleep at night knowing that everything you’ve done was never done with ill intent & honestly with all the troubles in life, you need your beauty sleep 😂

Once again, NONE of us are perfect so we’ll all be mean at a point in time, we’ll be inconsiderate and we’ll say or do things that don’t reflect our character but as we continue to grow everyday, having this type of attitude towards people will bring you peace and an unimaginable joy, being kind to people and knowing how to approach situations is expressing the often forgotten quality of empathy. It’s quite simple, if you wouldn’t want it done or said to you, try not to do it to others ( note I said TRY because you are going to stumble along the way 😂).

We could all agree the world is not really an easy place to live in so why be someone that’s hard to be around?

Be kind.
Till next time xx

Reinventing yourself!!

Let’s face it, atleast 90% of us aren’t happy with the place we’re currently at in our lives, whether it be financially, academically, physically or socially and just the thought of how much better we could be doing leaves us not only with an aching heart but the bitter taste of disappointment as well. Now the simple thing to do, if you’re not happy with something, would be to do something to change it but it’s not that easy right, right? Well not exactly…

Yes there are many things in our lives that are simply out of our control & sometimes we’re dealt quite an unfavourable hand but in my opinion ( & note I said MY OPINION), WE are often the ones who stand in the way of our own change, simply because we tend to dwell. We dwell on the position we’re currently in, we dwell on the mistakes we’ve made, we dwell on what COULD’VE happened, we dwell so much on our failures that that’s all we begin to see; the problem, never the solution.

Alot of us struggle with forgiving ourselves for our short falls, failures & mistakes so much so that we allow it to make us feel as if we’re incapable of anything but failure. In essence, we dwell so much on our past, it becomes our reality.

Now I’m not here to preach but we often underestimate the ability of the mind & it’s thoughts when truthfully the more you think something, the more you start to believe it. Once your thinking becomes stained and negative you’ll never be able to find a solution to anything & almost every obstacle will seem too difficult to overcome.
So what I’m trying to say is that no change can start or even be successful without: 1. Forgiving yourself for                                  making mistakes & falling                          victim to human nature.
2.  Readjusting your thinking.

I think another thing we fail to realise is that everyday is a new day & with every new day comes a new opportunity; a new opportunity to do better than we did yesterday ( as cliché as that may sound). You are not obliged to be the same person you were yesterday & if you feel the need to change YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO.

So after all that, I want you to take the time out to figure out what you’re unhappy with or what’s currently making you unhappy, forgive yourself for allowing it to happen or for causing it for yourself, take a lesson from it & then move on! Once you’ve moved on, work towards your betterment, become so engrossed in it that it has no option but to manifest. Sift out the things that need to be sifted out & most importantly GIVE YOURSELF TIME, it may take 2 months or even 2 years but nothing is too long when it comes to your well-being!

I hope everyone has a blessed weekend, until next time x!

Too picky or not picky enough?

So if you’ve been single as long as I have you’ve probably heard about how you’re too picky and how you’re going to end up alone forever if you don’t stop being so fussy but is your selectiveness really your downfall?

Firstly, let me answer this question by saying N O P E! NOPE…
I’m a firm believer that you SHOULD have preferences and you SHOULD be selective about who you allow to get to know you in THAT way.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you need to have a strict list of wants that you stand by and NEVER compromise on but it’s okay to expect certain things in a partner ie. Respect, ambition or even similar qualities and goals. I feel the minute your expectations become “too high” is when you expect things you, yourself cannot offer. Also, it would be ideal to avoid our preferences being too superficial or materialistic but it’s not wrong to expect your partner to be financially stable if you are or even that there be physical attraction between you too, after all it’s not really realistic being in a relationship w/ someone you’re not also physically attracted to.

Personally, and yes this is my opinion, I believe that when you find someone who possesses most of the qualities you find attractive, the good qualities they possess will always stand as a reason to “fight” for the relationship when you face the occasional rough patch unless of course the bad outweighs the good but that’s a story for another day.

You may argue and say you won’t know whether you like something or not until you try it out and yes to a certain extent that’s true but I mean we don’t have to taste shxt to know that it doesn’t taste good, similarly we don’t have to touch the fire to know that it’s hot.

Sadly, as humans as much as we may know something is wrong, we tend to fall victim to our flesh and we do them anyway but making mistakes still isn’t a reason for you not to expect certain things from a partner and ultimately end up settling. Whatever mistakes you may have made or qualities you may have possessed in the past, as long as you’ve moved passed it and learned from it, shouldn’t hold you back from expecting your partner not to have these undesirable characteristics.

Now some people may argue and say that different people bring out different sides to people and that a good partner will ultimately help their partner become the best version of themselves and I honestly can’t disagree but I need you to keep in mind that it is not your duty to FIX people, it’s a great thing to be able to help people through situations and phases in their lives but it is never worth losing yourself over. Some people are broken to point where they become toxic to other people and until you realise it is only them that can fix themselves you will break your heart trying to mend theirs.

A relationship is a beautiful thing but we should never downplay the seriousness of it, when entering a relationship w/ someone you choose to share a part of yourself and your life w/ them and ultimately give them a leading role in your life so you have the RIGHT to be selective about who you decide to cast!

Have a great week ahead xx

Unapologetically unfiltered.

We meet new people everyday & as expected we’ll meet all different kinds of people w/ vastly different characters and traits and by nature we’ll each be attracted to different traits and characteristics but I’ve always found something so intriguing about people who are open and unfiltered, just unapologetically themselves…

We live in a world where everyone in some way or the other wants to be accepted whether it be through the way they dress, how they act or how they look. Alot of us put up facades in fear that the REAL us may not be appealing to the people around us, maybe through overcompensating for something we feel we lack, w/ something we feel we’re good at and people may like or simple being people pleasers and always standing w/ the majority.

The ability to wear certain traits on your sleeve and be open about your flaws and the things that ultimately make you is probably one of the hardest things to do especially if your aim knowingly or unknowingly is to appeal to people, simply b/c you’ll never appeal to EVERYONE. You’ll meet people who like talkative, bubbly people and even though being talkative and bubbly around them will appeal to them, the people who are more fond of quieter people may not be drawn towards you and you’ll find yourself having to switch back and forth between personalities to maintain relationships w/ both types of people.

I’ve probably said this 100 times and if you’ve followed a few of my IG posts, you’re probably SICK of hearing it but you’ll honestly attract people you’re meant to attract, you’ll never had to prove how good of a person/friend/partner you are to the RIGHT people. Regardless of how much effort you put into being the “perfect” person, they’ll always be someone who’ll find something wrong w/ you simply b/c sometimes, as humans, we tend to broadcast people’s imperfections or wrong doings to downplay ours b/c knowing there’s someone ‘worse’ than you may put your conscience to rest a little bit.

Now this is not the same as having bad habits like laziness or excessive smoking and drinking and expecting people to accept you as you are b/c honestly you’re only harming yourself by feeding these habits but if you’re sensitive or ‘overly’ emotional ( or whatever you are) and you eff up occasionally (like we ALL do) it’s okay to be open and honest about it as cliché as it sounds it’s what makes you you.

Be open, be unfiltered, be yourself ( this is the most cliché thing I will ever say in my life 😂😂) , even around people who you know won’t accept it, it’s OKAY to expect certain surroundings to adapt to you as opposed to always adapting to your surroundings and if people don’t like it then oh well ( literally just say oh well and move on 😂)

I’ll apologise for how poorly structured this post is but I honestly couldn’t stop thinking about this on the way home so I just had to write something about it 😂. I hope everyone is enjoying their Valentine’s day and for us single people I hope you enjoy the return of UCL 😂😂.

I really don’t know how to end this so I’m going to say Happy almost Thursday 😂❤

Accountability 101 – Part 2

I want to start by asking a simple question:
Are you happy w/ the position you’re in in your life right now? (Deep I know 😂)
If you’ve answered YES, well done, honestly, b/c you’re part of the minority 😂 , for those of you that answered NO, I want you think of why you’re in the position you’re in now?
…

Of all the reasons you’ve mentioned, did you include yourself as one ?
If you’ve answered NO, that might be the problem.

Alot of the time we think up excuses as to why we’ve failed at certain things and made certain mistakes, possibly to make ourselves feel better and to hopefully make people a bit more understanding and sympathetic towards our situations but we almost never look at how what WE’VE done has contributed to the troubles we’re facing.

Now, as humans, many things are out of our control and sometimes we are genuinely hard done by but alot of the time we’ve ACTIVELY played a part in our own ‘destruction’ knowingly or unknowingly. Certain decisions WE’VE made and certain things WE’VE said have put us in undesirable situations and until we acknowledge the role we’ve played in the position we’re currently in (or were once in), we’ll never get out (or we’ll find ourselves constantly falling back into this position).

Alot of the time, we struggle to get out of said positions & it’s simply because we haven’t been honest with ourselves about what the cause of the problem is and I honestly believe that you may save yourself by lying to someone else but you do yourself a big disservice when you lie to yourself. As much as realising a problem exists may be the first step to recovery, how do you find a resolution if you don’t know or are in denial about what contributed to the problem?

“One of the signs of maturity is your ability to see what’s wrong w/ You”- Anonymous

Whether you’re struggling academically, financially, relationship or friendship wise or your reputation has gone downhill, realising what you’ve done wrong and how you’ve contributed to this problem is how you start the journey to the betterment of the aforementioned things. So ultimately the question you need to ask yourself is “What have I done that’s caused me to be where I am today?”

As humans regardless of how many times we’re told the stove is hot, we tend to only acknowledge this once we get burned, which unfortunately is a harsh reality, however no burn is incapable of healing and this can only be done once we remove ourselves from what once caused the burn which leads me to my next point which is to not DWELL on the mistakes we’ve made, once you’ve realised them, the best thing you can do is take heed of the lesson it provides as to ensure you avoid making the same mistake twice.

Now I’m not saying you’re never going to make mistakes again once you become ‘self-aware’ what I’m saying is that you’re never going to change your situation if you keep blaming other people, situations and circumstances for the position you’re in simply b/c the only thing you have 100% control over to change is YOURSELF.

There is no position that is permanent, as cliché as it may sound life is not a destination, its a journey and one filled w/ many mistakes but its not the amount of mistakes that will determine the success of the journey but rather how you handle them.

Happy Sunday xx!

Accountability 101 – Part 1

Let’s face it, conflict is apart of life and regardless of how much you may try to avoid it, you’ll be faced w/ it at some point in your life, now as much as the amount of conflict in your life may say something about you, the way you deal w/ it speaks VOLUMES.

It’s always easier to make excuses for what we’ve done or said; “I only said that b/c he said this” or “If she hadn’t did this I wouldn’t have done that” b/c frankly ‘justifying’ our actions keeps our conscience at rest & won’t have us looking like the villian of the story but when’s the last time we said “My action caused a reaction” or “I was wrong too” ? This my good friends is called ACCOUNTABILITY.

“When you point the finger, you miss the point.” – Bruce D. Schneider

In many movies there are the good and the bad, the heroes and the villians, the right and the wrong but life is not a movie and more often than none both parties are in the wrong regardless of what or who the catalyst was. The minute we sit back to think of the role we played in a certain fight or argument and see how what WE’VE done has affected the magnitude of said fight/argument, we begin to have more understanding towards the other person & why they may have reacted in that certain way, this approach to conflict may change the other person’s attitude towards you simply b/c you’ve changed yours – a sort of domino effect (note I did say “may” 🤣🤣 b/c some people may think you have an ulterior motive or whuteva and that’s something I can’t help you w/ 🤣🤣). Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you need to make excuses for people’s behaviour or always blame yourself entirely for certain conflict you end up in (b/c that’s toxic and you end up holding onto toxic relationships b/c it becomes kosher for you to accept the blame and an expectation from the other person’s side 😥) but merely empathising w/ someone won’t cost much and may do you a WORLD of good.

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world” – Mahatma Ghandhi

As cliché as this quote may be ( & gosh is it cliché 🤣) there’s nothing more true. Like I said previously, it’s always easier to tell someone what they’re doing wrong and how they need to change but how much better would it be if us, as individuals, each look within ourselves to find out what WE’RE doing wrong & how WE need to change it. It may sound far-fetched to some but when you think about it it’s quite simple & will not only benefit you but the people around you b/c by you taking that first step to “being the bigger person” some people around you will be more open to it as well (note, again, I said “some” b/c eish you know human beings are a complex species 😥😥)

I guess the secret here is to find the balance between standing up for yourself & being accountable & honestly it’s easier said than done but w/ the limited duration of our stay here on Earth we DON’T HAVE the time to engage in anything else but things that make us happy so for YOUR OWN sake try to take this different approach to solving conflict you may find yourself in, not only so you can move pass it swiftly but so you have more time to focus on your betterment.

All these watches & still no time ?😕🤔

With this being my first post I felt it would probably set the tone for the rest of my blog so for a while I pondered a topic I felt would be interesting, so here we are 😂…

At this stage of our lives we’re (to a certain extent) expected to have a ‘plan’ for what we intend to do for the rest our lives & we find ourselves going from prison life (yes I’m talking about school), where you’re told what to do as well as when and how to do it to suddenly being deemed as capable of making your own decisions, so here you stand like a deer in headlights w/ the world in front of you, your family behind you ( smiling b/c their little Jane/Frikie is now a young adult) and you,in the middle, nervously wondering how 12 years of learning how to add numbers together, that love makes you do crazy things like fake your own death & drink poison and how to identify different animals by certain characteristics, has prepared you for this exciting yet terrifying thing called adulthood. Scary right ? I know 😥

More often than none we find ourselves feeling pressured & slightly delayed when we can’t answer inquisitive Aunt Sally’s question of what our 20-year plan is and how long before she’ll be able to enjoy the comfort of being driven around by you in your new fancy car because I mean you’ve been out of school for a few years now so shouldn’t you be like a doctor or something?

As funny as these scenarios may sound too many of us find ourselves burdened w/ the pressure of TIMING. Besides our own aspirations and desires for what we want our adult lives to be like, the expectations from everyone around us causes us to feel inadequate if we find ourselves a little confused about what our ‘next move’ will be. Adding the fact that we live in a digital generation where every detail of our lives is simply a click away ( I’m guilty of this too) we’re often smacked in the face by the success of fellow young adults leaving us feeling like we should have accomplished something by now as well.

This is where (as mentioned above) we begin to put a time on everything, we begin comparing our lives and timelines to that of other people our age or around our age, we become so obssessed w/ wanting to live up to artificial standards that anything less sends us spiralling into a state of depression.

“Comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Roosevelt

Cliché as it may be we tend to forget that we’re all different therefore we all move at different paces. Every lesson & challenge you face is meant to mould you & prepare you for YOUR true purpose; your destination. By nature our destinations differ from person to person so why do we expect our journies to be the same? How can we expect to build our OWN lives if we use someone else’s blueprint as a means of measuring our own success?

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it isn’t good to aspire to be something in life or even work hard towards it, I’m saying that while doing so don’t beat yourself up b/c things are not working out as fast as they are for your neighbour, don’t beat yourself up b/c you find yourself stumbling every now and then & falling victim to your human nature, it’s part of growing up, it’s part of the experience. With the correct mentality, faith & perseverance what’s meant for you will ALWAYS be for you, simply b/c it’ll have no option but to manifest.

Understand that whatever you sew, you reap, the thoughts you constantly plant in your mind, whether it be good or bad, eventually manifest into your reality.

So if no one has told you this today YOU’RE 👏 DOING 👏 GREAT 👏 SWEETIE👏

😂😂😂

Happy Friday x!